When a child lives with ongoing abuse, it is their “normal.” When that child has accepted abuse as normal, they naturally seek out a partner with the same characteristics and traits as the abuser.

My experience as that child, and subsequently, as that adult, kept me on a self destructive path of addiction to prescription drugs to self medicate, and to escape the untreated trauma, to self mutilate because I felt I deserved the pain, and suicidal thoughts and behaviors because I couldn’t live with the noise of self blame, family secrets, and of the self loathing that kept me looking for a feel good high to escape for decades. It was my proverbial hamster wheel.

Now, six plus years into recovery, I’ve lived through some of my most challenging times clean and sober. I’ve been tested throughout a serious illness, the death of my beloved grandmother who was my everything, my child’s serious illness, the loss of a deeply loving long term relationship,  bankruptcy, and losing my home due to the property owners financial greed. And, not once did I ever think, “I want to get high.” I have learned to allow myself to feel it all, to breathe through it, and to use my past experiences to remind myself that I have gotten through difficult challenges before, and that I will get through this too. I choose the appropriate organic tools for each situation that I know will be healing for me, exercise patience, faith, and gratitude for the profound learning opportunities that offer resiliency and growth. I remind myself of something a loved one used to tell me often, “You always have options.”

I’ve experienced growth through a very deep spiritual commitment that keeps me closely connected to the Universe/God/Spirit. I experience ongoing uncertainty, but I am certain that I am never alone. The Universe always has my back and communicates through others, through music, and sending angels to assist…angels in human form.

I do experience occasional anxiety from old trauma’s, and anxiety from current stressors, and I am able to heal myself with the natural and organic solutions that I have practiced in my holistic healthcare in recovery for the past six years.

These challenges remind me of my resilient spirit as I bounce back rather quickly, navigate effectively, communicate constructively, and then I am able to experience a positive and constructive outcome, and to use this experience to help others. It is, I believe, God’s message to me that He is grooming me to do His work as I continue to serve others, and to remind me to continue to do the right thing for my own wellness, and for those I serve…and most especially for my loved ones.

It is due to my deep faith, my toolbox filled with hundreds of natural resources, and the love and guidance of some of the most beautiful souls, and of my children, that I am thriving through it all.

I always tell my son Matthew, “Never give up.“ And so I live my life persevering in this way not only for myself in living my greatest life, and helping those I serve in the field of mental health awareness and education, but to lead by example for my children. Leaving them a strong and meaningful legacy…one that will benefit their own wellness and joy,  is my Highest purpose. Everything that I do each and every day is with my precious children and granddaughter in mind, and in my heart.

All of the challenges and adversity that I am able to rise above successfully is yet another lesson, and example that with faith, hope, and love, anything is possible.

Love and blessings,



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