LOVE, WENDY

“When one fights to die rather than to live, regardless of the extensive resources and loving encouragement available to them, and where a full recovery was possible, we must allow them to stand in their own power. As heartbreaking as this is for loved ones to witness, we must detach with love to save our own sanity. As my children watch me navigate, they remind me of how proud they are. They share with me what they are observing as I practice full self care, follow my doctor’s orders, and utilize the many healthy practices I’ve learned on my wellness journey. Seven years of recovery based on a holistic approach, and disciplined behaviors that promotes my wellness through self awareness.

I have lived with lifelong manipulation and guilt shaming when I have tried to speak my feelings or to take care of myself. The message has always been that I’m not significant. And, a “what can you do for me?” “How much WILL YOU do for me?” mindset. When I’ve given mentally, physically and financially, I was loved for a moment…then once again…the well ran dry. I’d race back to the well daily to try to soak up one tiny drop of love…My husband once asked me, “Why do you keep going back to a dry well?” Touché

Even as she makes unhealthy choices…final choices…deliberate choices…refusing all opportunities to heal…she still attempts to take me with her to a place of chaotic insanity…to leave me there at the bottom of the well without any resources.

In my own recovery of 7 years, I have learned healthy organic coping skills and wellness strategies…including talking about my feelings.

After a brutal experience yesterday of purposeful manipulation and attack…this morning I awake with a clear mind. Of course, with great compassion for her lifelong journey of living with a mental illness, yet living in denial up until her end.

This is between myself and Spirit. Spirit knows my heart, and my truth. God speaks to me throughout every day through others and the message is clear…”Self care. Do not jeopardize your health as you’ve come so far. You’ve been a wonderful daughter.”

I am love. I am peace. I’ve done everything I could.

I am enough.

My deepest love and heartfelt gratitude to those who have allowed me to be me, who have encouraged me to practice self care before anything else, who remind me of how far I’ve come, who remind me that we all have a choice to practice wellness or not, and that what we choose, we live.

My heart is heavy, yet so full.

There before the Grace of God go I.

Love and blessings,

Wendy

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